after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
