i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
