i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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