Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
