OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
