guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
