I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
