thus making me awesome and them whores
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
