I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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