Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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