you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am one with the molecules
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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