apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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