the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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