so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
