so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
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i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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