so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
birth control should be required to get into college
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
