I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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