Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
