its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
