She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
