your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
