I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
