Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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