Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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