I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
