left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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