i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
