Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
