Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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