shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
