This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
