That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize