I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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