So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
