The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
