4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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