My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
