I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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