thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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