So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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