I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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