If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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