I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
