He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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