so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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