yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
