I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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