Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
