he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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