I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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