im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
