Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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