my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
