I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
