is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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