Whoa Z and x make the same sound
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
