I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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