but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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