Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
